Tasteless

This situation shouldn’t make me want to re-watch the hurricane episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

And this scene just reminds me of this:

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Never the same

I forgot, I wrote this on Tumblr
Ya know what’s a shame?

I don’t remember the name of the girl who lent me my first Discworld book. :-\

It was 2004. We were sophomores in undergrad. She lived in the dorm room next door, and I would come in and bitch and moan about my life, so she handed me The Color of Magic and that was it, I was sold…

I read every single one of her books. She didn’t have them all, so I went and either got them from the school library or bought them. I accumulated most of them.

And it’s not like I read them once and never did again. No, I’ve read them MULTIPLE times, off and on, over the years. They’re my safe place.

I have depression, and in college I was a mess. I kept having the problem that semester that my roommate would blast her awful music (haha!) and I couldn’t focus on reading anything but LiveJournal, practically. But I could read those books anywhere. (Even if a palace was falling down around me? Ehh…)

The only disappointment is knowing what happens already, heh. Especially with The Watch books, where there are mysteries. But ya know? I love the characters best, and the vibrant world, and it’s hopeless, I could never write like that. That blend of humor and drama and I don’t know what. So entertaining and comforting over the years.

I feel so sad about what happened/is happening to Terry. But I’m so glad he wrote those books. Back during my darkest depression, I wonder if he saved my life…

edit: Okay, I remember this much: she was blonde, her name was “Sam,” she used to let us come in and watch “Sex in the City,” “Inuyasha” and play Grand Theft Auto, she did study abroad in Japan, she had pet mice and she was a Republican.

Thanks, girl!

Last of the Excerpts, Rincewind, Stanley Tweedle, and Why am I Awake?

Sourcery,  by Terry Pratchett, page 22-23

[Rincewind talks to the Librarian about his old dreams]

One of Rincewind’s tutors had said of him that “to call his understanding of magical theory abysmal is to leave no suitable word to describe his grasp of practice.” This had always puzzled him. He objected to the fact that you had to be good at magic to be a wizard. He knew he was a wizard, deep in his head. Being good at magic didn’t have anything to do with it. That was just an extra, it didn’t actually define somebody.

“When I was a little boy,” he said wistfully, “I saw this picture of a sourcerer in a book. He was standing on a mountain top waving his arms and the waves were coming right up, you know, like they do down in Ankh Bay in a gale, and there were flashes of lightning all around him – ”

“Oook?”

“I don’t know why they didn’t, perhaps he had rubber boots on,” Rincewind snapped, and went on dreamily, “And he had this staff and a hat on, just like mine, and his eyes were sort of glowing and there was all this sort of like glitter coming out of his fingertips, and I thought one day I’ll do that, and – ”

“Oook?”

“Just a half, then.”

“Oook.”

“How do you pay for this stuff? Every time anyone gives you any money you eat it.”

“Oook.”

“Amazing.”

Rincewind completed his sketch in the beer. There was a stick figure on a cliff. It didn’t look much like him – drawing in stale beer is not a precise art – but it was meant to.

“That’s what I wanted to be,” he said. “Pow! Not all this messing around. All this books and stuff, that isn’t what it should all be about. What we need is real wizardry.”

That last remark would have earned the prize for the day’s most erroneous statement if Rincewind hadn’t then said:

“It’s a pity there aren’t any of them around anymore.”

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Hey Google, get a load of this one

I always thought it should be mandatory that anyone who wrote fan fiction should thoroughly research canon, but then I wouldn’t have ever written any of the crazy stuff I did.

Fanfiction Eris wrote, none of which will see the light of day, but this is my diary (and I am a masochist) so I can mention it to the entire Internet and Google if I want to. Requests?

It’s a short(ish) list, if you know some wild, overachieving people that used to live on LiveJournal and FF.Net (aka the Pit). (If they are all shorts, which are two pages, on the whole. Some several chapters of many, many pages. Some less than a page.)

Not in any particular order…

Lexx (Xev/Stan otp 4 eva, before you throw up)

The 10th Kingdom (apparently)

Beetlejuice (not even sure wtf that was about)

Lost

Doctor Who

Torchwood

Final Fantasy 7

Final Fantasy 8

Repo! The Genetic Opera (porny porn)

World of Warcraft (so OOC it’s painful. yes, even an OC can be OOC when you know nothing about elven history)

Xena: Warrior Princess

Hercules the Legendary Journeys

Young Hercules (just lump those three together)

Lord of the Rings (inspired my classmate to write an encouraging message in my high school year book to “keep writing that hobbit porn.” I used to write lemons in study hall)

Battlestar Galactica (some porn, and for some reason a gen crossover with Doctor Who)

Daria (mainly it’s her and Jane trying to care what’s happening when they’re pulled into an inter dimensional war)

The IT Crowd (Jen/Roy 4 eva, before they throw up)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (I think Ford would revoke my subscription for this, except perhaps the part he gets to make out with Arthur)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (like a folder of Andrew/Warren slash)

Tin Man (you know, that Zooey Deschanel movie)

Yamara (a copy of this is still on their official website, goddamit!)

The New Adventures of Pinocchio (for some reason I can’t fathom, and I’m fond of this one, WUT)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

LOL I don’t even remember these SHORT shorts, but they’re in a folder on this hard drive still:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Harry Potter

Twilight

Pokemon

Beauty & the Beast

The L Word

Batman

The X-Files

Men in Black

Miscellaneous RPS

And for some reason I had a class exercise to do The Scarlet Letter and Huckleberry Finn. Wut?

(…and actual Greek Mythology)

Eris’ life, Discworld life, Ex-boyfriends and novellas

I have researched Tumblr far and wide!

(By which I mean actually looking at pretty and funny fanart, official art, and all kinds of fun stuff until a very late hour even though I’m supposed to get up early for my new exercise regime…)

I have tried to figure out what people found out about Rincewind’s life because I can’t ask Pterry myself and I don’t know if he said.

I didn’t read a bunch of the books so I don’t know what the potato thing is about.

I mean YES I know the potato thing, oh yes, we all know the potato thing.

But is it Word of God (that’s a fandom term for: “Oh hey Joss Whedon said this is canon and you shall not divert”, for example), that Rincewind is/was a virgin? (Because apparently according to Tumblr he’s shacking up with Ponder.)

Not that it matters. You can still, certainly, lose your virginity to Ponder. Feel free. He’s not doin’ anything down there with Hex. You will probably have to convince him, though.

I imagine Ponder could be gay. (I can’t imagine Rincewind gay except in regards to the whole Ponder slash!fic thing, I guess, maybe, possibly. I just read Sourcery again and so that doesn’t make any sense to me.)

And I imagine hooking up with Ponder would be almost as exhaustingly difficult (as in, trying to get that person actually out on a date or actually into bed) as it would be to try to hook up with Rincewind. Whatever age they are, in whatever universe.

I can imagine Ponder actually drawing up, maybe, some kind of pro/con list, and using very logical arguments for why they should shag, and Rincewind would just be like, dude, I just need to not feel like the world’s going to drop out from under me. Again. Like, breaking his heart would just be the needle that breaks the camel’s back at that point. Boring and safe, I think, is a life he embraced and then it all went topsy turvy as soon as Twoflower walked into his life and has/had never been the same since. And couldn’t be. Lady Luck (excuse me! She Who Shall Not Be Named) is his patron goddess. (Patroness?) And Lady Luck is a bitch.

What’s my point? Ponder slash? I could see a gay Ponder, although I remember he was like, “Wut?” about Macarona. (His name is Macarona. Yes, I know I’m supposed to write out all his titles as well, but let’s just say Macarona. He’s got a name like the dance. I’m almost positive that’s intentional. If it isn’t, I’m shocked.)

But one slasher was saying on her Tumblr blog, “Hang on, Rincewind having used to have sex (i.e. in the past) WAS RETCONNED?” And she was like, “That’s outrageous! What’s all this potato stuff!”

(Yes, he’s attracted to potatoes, but we mean before the whole potato nonsense. Before Sourcery! He’s trying very hard not to want to get in Conina’s pants throughout that book.)

I suppose more to the point that I don’t know tone or style or anything Pterry anyway, so it’s no point in telling the ether that I would even write fanfiction anymore for any fandom. I used to write the strangest stuff! I started when I was just a kid, even before I had access to a computer and briefly had just a typewriter. And YES, of course, notebooks. A pen and paper is all you really need in life. Well, yeah, and food. And shelter. And etc etc. And other people’s books and movies would help. And something to do, work, a hobby. And a lover. And a family’s nice, and even a dog. But you know what I mean. When you’re alone, at a loss, you just pick up a pad and pen and you’re all set. Off you go.

That was something a couple of my ex-boyfriends were into. My ex, Navy, as he’s called on here, wrote a novella! It was a fantasy story as well, and I read a couple of chapters but mainly his difficulty – and his joy! – was in trying to make it have a fully realized world of his own making, with its own rules. But we were only sixteen years old, and it’s hard. But eleven years later it’s still hard, so what do I know?

The Engineer (who I had to stop following on Facebook because all he ever talks about is his live-in girlfriend), wrote a book as well, in a similar manner to Navy. A novella. About dragons! What other things I can gather creeping on Facebook was that he was always a writer – I mean, he told me that way back when we were…were we dating? let’s just say sleeping together, and I was like, “Okay, Engineer, I will edit your first three chapters.” But then I never did, and he forgot anyway, and it’s okay. Fast forward to our late twenties and he’s involved with poetry nights and readings and things, and I can only assume that he continued writing. Maybe real life, maybe dragons. Navy didn’t end up writing about wizards and magic anymore, though, but I’m sure he’d look back fondly on it if you asked him.

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Sourcery

“There was something else I was trying to say,” said Rincewind, letting go of the hand. He looked blank for a moment, and then added, “Oh, yes. It’s vital to remember who you really are. It’s very important. It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.”

-Rincewind in Sourcery by Terry Prachett

Sam Vimes

“Sam Vimes once arrested me for treason,” said Vetinari calmly. “And Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stopped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He’s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands, and carries law with him, like a lamp—”

“Where did all that come from?”

“Watchmen across half the continent will say that Sam Vimes is as straight as an arrow, can’t be corrupted, won’t be turned, never took a bribe.”

-Terry Pratchett, Thud

Rincewind’s sex life and I’m an awful person

I wrote before that there wasn’t much more mention of Rincewind’s love life than his potato fixation and past orgasms sometimes happening “with company.” (But no orgasm ever approximated that of magic actually coursing through him.)

I rediscovered the subplot in Sourcery where he falls in love with Conina but she’s oblivious and ditches him for Nijel.

During that book, Rincewind pretty much looks back like, “You used to bang chicks. What happened?” And is also head over heels for the girl.

But when she experiences love at first sight with Nijel, the narrator makes this comment that Rincewind felt he’d long ago passed this sort of thing by.

I think he used to bang chicks before Unseen University but never fell in love.

I am writing ‘fic about it.

I am awful, because instead of writing funny adventures through Ankh Morpork of him getting chased off by various things like fathers, brothers and husbands…(Golems? Vampires? I dunno. He spent his whole life running, it’s said.)

I wrote something about his mother and his childhood, and perhaps it will be about women, and that’s the entire theme as well as vignettes.

Trying to think of the theme of “running,” I had this idea that one lady would con him and steal all his money, one’s husband would try and get with *him*, and another lovely girl he finally falls in love with seems to be cursed and horrible things keep befalling him until she moves away.

I’ve already written a chapter where a girl uses teenage him just to lose her virginity, a “seamstress” gives him some unusual lessons, and finally he gets caught with a girl with an oral fixation resulting in her father and brothers chasing him over the rooftops. Unfortunately I’ve only figured out how to write the sex scenes.

And for some reason I went over and over them with a fine-toothed comb, trying to make them realistic and seem like real people. It’s weird, though, because I haven’t had sex in ages, and striking a balance between being disrespectful to, well, the books, and being porny, but not too porny, but just porny enough, is something I’ve been obsessing over this week and really shouldn’t be.

La la la…