Rincewind’s sex life and lack thereof

I once again have strange fanfic ideas that have never been done and are inappropriate. And this time they’re about Rincewind from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.

{Past follies of mine include the erotic adventures of Xev and Stan from Lexx neglecting to include Kai, Buffy’s Andrew and Warren (except those two really were fucking in canon), Xena’s Discord and Strife (except I’m convinced those two really were fucking Ares in canon or probably were), and one time, the cat and the fox (anthropomorphic!) from the shitty direct-to-video sequel to Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ version of Pinocchio. Then again, the cat WAS played by “Susan” from Coupling. Come to think of it, didn’t “Jeff” play Moist von Lipwig?}

{Almost forgot about Jen and Roy in The IT Crowd and the Largo siblings fromRepo! The Genetic Opera. And one time, Beetlejuice and Lydia, and a one-shot about Ben from Lost just to provoke a reaction. I’m an awful person.}

As for Rincewind’s sex life, I’m not talking about during his adventures. Lord knows he only had feelings for potatoes.

Also, no one wants to see (or picture) Rincewind naked everrrrr, but I for some reason pictured him looking under his clothes like a boy I had sex with sophomore year of college. (The boy at college was lanky, awkward, pitchy voice, kind of scrubby beard. Smooth pale skin but never comfortable in it.) I mean, in his early twenties before his time at Unseen University. In The Color of Magic, he’s about 30. In the subsequent books he’s in his 40s, 50s, and about 60. (In the movie version of The Color of Magic, he’s in his 60s, but David Jason is awesome and that’s all that matters.)

Rincewind isn’t so much an asexual figure as he’s just that fucking nerdy. The focus of his attention in life is also on getting out of these horrible situations he’s in. He finally settles down as a librarian’s assistant, and then a professor, in a life of boring solitude (having to occasionally deal with the awful Unseen University faculty). What probably sucks for him is one of the last times you see him (I never did read The Last Hero) is in Unseen Academicals and he’s once again been pulled into some kind of unusual and unpleasant situation by being drafted on the soccer team. By then he’s an old man, but then again, so are the others. I dunno how he felt about playing soccer. They ended up liking it when the boys from the other team weren’t trying to kill them. But you see my point. Quiet, solitude, potatoes. Especially after being stranded in awful places like the Dungeon Dimensions and deserted islands.

{I have a feeling that he only ended up with anybody as a young man when he was probably drunk or she was. Sorry Rincewind.}

{Who gave him therapy with a woman, potatoes, and a baseball bat is a mystery.}


One thought on “Rincewind’s sex life and lack thereof

  1. Pingback: More Eris Guilt and Disc Quotes | New England Discord

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