Wrote this on Tumblr:
Because I have the uncanny ability to transform myself back into a 16 year old girl, here’s a list of ‘ships:
Cid Highwind/Tifa Lockheart – I can’t for the life of me remember why. I think it was this epic, amazing fanfic I read years ago.
Reeve Tuesti/Yuffie Kisaragi – Because they’re total opposites but they used to hang out when he was Cait Sith and he’s a hot dude in real life and eventually she turns 18 and he needs to lighten the fuck up and she’s the head of his core of spies anyway.
Auron/Rikku – Gross gross gross, but I read this amazing fanfic about it. I am gross.
Auron/Braska/Jecht – Because they are the slashiest.
Cloud/Zack – Practically canon. (Cloud/Sephiroth was so overdone it made my eyes roll to the back of my head.)
Discord/Ares/Strife/Deimos – Why? Because they’re incestuous as fuck and it’s just a fact.
Andrew/Warren – Why? Because it was practically canon. (Ok, so Andrew’s abiding fucked up love was canon. Warren’s was not.)
Buffy/Spike – Because it was toyed with so long and then happened in Season 6 and I and everyone cheered at yet another fucked up but amazing ‘ship.
Angel/Spike/Drusilla/Darla – (But Angel and Spike have never been intimate! Apart from that one time…)
Xena/Ares – Because even Xena and Gabrielle’s love can’t erase the oodles of UST that was, in fact, canon. Ares’ abiding fucked up love for Xena was canon. Xena’s occasional make-outs with him were, too. Come on, people. You can hate him all you want, but they are smoking hot together. (RIP Kevin Smith)
Frodo/Sam – Because they have been slashy since 1954.
Merry/Pippin – Because incest is best.
Ford/Arthur – He rescues Arthur from the Vogons and then endures his bullshit for years. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. (Platonic love, but Ford’s pansexual in my head!canon, anyway.)
Moderately Old ‘Ships
Starbuck/Leoben – Because it is impossible for me to like any pairing that’s remotely healthy.
Baltar/Every Six ever, but mostly Caprica – Because it is impossible for…etc etc, see above. And it was canon anyway.
Luigi/Amber – Obscure movie. More incest. So wrong. Very likely. (Not if you used to read “Luigi’s” old Twitter feed, however, where he pretty much explicitly stated Pavi was just kidding.)
Doctor/Romana – Because it happened, dammit! Even if it’s not canon, we know it was. But that’s probably because he acted ‘shippy with Lala Ward ‘cuz they were married. (Fun Fact: Lala Ward and Baker divorced. Later she married Richard Dawkins. Yes, big time atheist guy. I sort of met him one time.)
Doctor/Sarah Jane – Didn’t happen, but now we know she was in love with him her whole life. Sarah!! /hugs
Doctor/Rose – Because it’s canon and they’re darling. But now I want to punch them in the face. Yes, we know, we know. Your true loves are, basically, your late wife (I assume), Rose and your new wife. (And River will pretty much out-do the other two because she’s stuck in an epic time loop with you.)
Doctor/Donna – Because it squicks everyone in Doctor Who fandom ever.
Doctor/Amy – Because we were all in denial and that’s why fanfiction exists anyway.
Doctor/Master – Because it’s obvious.
Xev/Stan – Because someone has to squick out everyone else in the world, and that person is me. This would even squick out Xev and Stan, and Stan spent the entire series trying to get her to fuck him. I think the shock of her actually doing so would do him in.
Fairly Recent ‘Ships
Jeff/Annie – Because it’s canon and it needs to happen for real and I suspect the show will end with it happening but it’ll really end with Jeff/Britta happening and I will cry.
Regina/Jefferson – Because it happened, dammit! And if not, it still happened in my fanfiction.
Brodie/Carrie – Because I can’t ever like a functional couple ever.
Annie/Mitchell – Because they were a lovely, tragic couple and now they’re both dead and make me cry.
Hal/Cutler – Totally banged once. It was rough and there was biting but Cutler loved it. Yup. I should write that fanfic.
Eric/Sookie – I am unapologetically Team Eric, which is pointless now since Bill is a demon and it’s obviously Team Eric from here on out, so…
Jaina/Thrall – Come on. Totally tragic.
Rincewind/anyone – Because that guy deserves to get laid.
Nick/Jess, from New Girl!
Nancy/Andy, from Weeds – Because of their bond…which was sooo dysfunctional
Bernard/Fran, from Black Books – Because it’s criminal
Roy/Jen, from The IT Crowd – Because it would never work but I wrote fanfiction anyway
Tim/Daisy, from Spaced – Because it’s quirky love
Vince/Howard, from The Mighty Boosh – Because they’re slashy
Jess/Jason, from True Blood – Because they…they…They care about each other and are drop dead gorgeous! (Also, apparently, Jess got over her hymen issue with him. Um…Retcon, maybe.)