Sam Vimes

“Sam Vimes once arrested me for treason,” said Vetinari calmly. “And Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stopped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He’s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands, and carries law with him, like a lamp—”

“Where did all that come from?”

“Watchmen across half the continent will say that Sam Vimes is as straight as an arrow, can’t be corrupted, won’t be turned, never took a bribe.”

-Terry Pratchett, Thud

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More Eris Guilt and Disc Quotes

Unfortunate topic continued from “Rincewind’s sex life or lack thereof” and “Better Than Sex”

I’m just trying to piece together Rincewind’s past, k?

(If I post any of my OWN writing, it’s going on LiveJournal.)

(Oh my God, I’m going to do it, aren’t I? Just out of an old compulsion.)

So anyway, I discovered that many people wrote a lot of weird ‘fic about Sam Vimes.

Let me say something about Sam Vimes:

I was never quite sure about how I felt about Sam Vimes. He is my FAVORITE Discworld character. He is at the top; I love him to pieces.

I’m not sure if I want him to be my lover, or my father. Sometimes when I’m reading one of the Watch books, I swing both ways. He makes me very proud of the police, as a profession, and I then became very ashamed that my own grandfather’s life as a policeman didn’t fill me with the same pride!

Granted, I only started to get to know my grandfather once he’d retired from the force. But then again, he also had this thing very different from Vimes: It was a long time ago, but he said that for a while he turned a blind eye to police brutality. One thing I really appreciate about Sam Vimes is his strong moral/ethical compass. He can’t bear to see a position of power abused. It’s why he and Vetinari have so much friction. (Then again, Vimes recognizes Vetinari as being a fair man himself, in a way, because he is nothing like Snapcase. Vetinari also ensures the peace is kept – it’s why he enforces such strict rules on all the city guilds – partly by allowing Vimes to go so out of his way to seek justice. Or by using reverse psychology to nudge Vimes into seeking it.)

I think the only time Vimes ever committed some kind of act of violence he would normally abhor was when he was in berserker mode down underneath Koom Valley, and he was shouting out “Where’s my Cow?” and striking down those dwarves. But then again, it was a kill or be killed situation. Vimes is of the attitude that the only way to have a just (a just) police force is to follow the rules: you strike back when you have to, and if you can help it, you don’t use deadly force. For example, he won’t abide torture. One scene I can call to mind is when they trick this guy they’ve arrested into thinking someone’s being tortured in the next room. I think they only used bottles of beer? I forget.

I’ve been re-reading the books one by one again, as I do every so often since that fateful day the girl who lived next door to me my sophomore year of college handed me her copy of The Color of Magic. She let me borrow all the Discworld books she had (and Good Omens, too), and then I started buying my own. Rincewind became my favorite at first, and then he was surpassed by Granny Weatherwax, and then they were both evicted by Sam Vimes.

People wrote a lot of porny fanfiction about Sam Vimes. I read one, about his canon relationship with his wife Sybil. I read another one that was, like, PG, but paired him up with Angua, which is okay, because it was an AU, but still kinda weird.

There is a TON of Vetinari/Vimes slash out there, which considering their complicated relationship, you gotta expect. But I haven’t read any of it (yet).

So it’s not totally weird. Inappropriately porny Discworld fanfiction exists – respect, copyright or quality be damned. It just does.

I’m not sure why the plot bunnies even hopped into my garden. What was I even doing, to remember that quote from The Light Fantastic? I don’t really remember now, and it was only a few days ago. (!!)

I started reading Sourcery because I just read all the Witch books again and wanted some Rincewind (not that way!) but wasn’t feeling Color of Magic.

And then I came to another clue about his past, which is dumb, because it stands to reason that every man can look back on his youth and remember, “Oh yeah, I boned chicks. How could that have been so long ago?”

I am almost positive he was never in love, though. As annoyed by Conina and Nijel anyone would be, the narrator makes one very telling comment…

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