What an astonishing thing a book is.

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It’s a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.”

-Carl Sagan


Maybe I’m crazy, or just making excuses

It’s sickening how lazy I am.

TL;DR – Eris misses The Kid, she can get a teaching job, she’s lazy and a user. Blah blah blah grad school.

When I left my hometown to get my masters degree, I was convinced it would be the catalyst for change that I needed. I would walk into those doors and discover the real Eris. One who was confident and could utilize her talents doing something fulfilling or at the very least something that made me money.

I would be forced to “grow up” by my stacking bills, and borrowed loan after borrowed loan. I would be living on my own, again, with a roommate from the school. I would pad across those wooden floors thinking, “This is MY house, and it is my responsibility.” I would bend down over books and study my ass off, spend time at the school shooting video and editing them into pieces of art. I would go to New York City and become an artist and eat ramen and find myself waiting there like the real Eris always was.

I would not end up back home lying in bed wandering waking dreams and wishing I was back in 2010 and not applying to school at all.

I worked at a store, back then, and I wasn’t on meds but I definitely had the option to start. I was surrounded by encouraging people also at a loss of what to do. I had no debt.

I kept thinking, “This is my last chance,” and signed up to take the GRE, whether I’d use it or not. I had been out of undergrad for three years, been to open houses for schools, and even dragged The Mechanic to an open house once. I think. Or maybe he just drove me.

(Years later I’d be at a party thrown by the rental house I worked at this summer and see the “dean” of that trade school there munching on barbecue chicken. I pulled my coworker aside and asked, “Who is that?” and was told. It brought memories from 2009 rushing back.)

I was convinced that a year at that trade school would be just what I needed to push myself back into the working world…

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You need to do your research

Wrote this on Tumblr:

It’s really dumb, considering I wrote, mostly unapologetically incorrect “Xena” fanfiction off and on for ten years, that I would think a few (notable) mistakes and some intentional canon-altering in my (very few) “Once Upon a Time” ‘fics would be criminal.

But then I wonder, “Well, wait…Couldn’t I just…Change this word here…What about this…?”

It seems the only times I stop giving a shit are when it’s something I know people won’t read.

Imagine if I wrote a novel. It would print and sell thousands of copies (let’s be optimistic, here) and then I’d be reading my courtesy copy, (after having re-combed the manuscript a million times with an actual editor before publishing) (which is, obviously, something I don’t do now), and perhaps admiring the flattering reviews on the book jacket, and then discover I fucked up a sentence.


I suppose that’s a bigger problem.

Keep your head (get it?), Eris. Remember that ‘fic “Voting for Obama.”

Making pretty people make out

Wrote this on Tumblr:

I wasn’t into writing or reading fanfiction for a very long time, so I had taken the content of my Fanfiction.Net account down a long time ago, and also stopped going to the site.

When I thought of going back, I remembered that officially you aren’t allowed to post Erotica/Explicit fanfiction on there. Considering like half of the things I write fit that description, but I still have a goody-two-shoes nature of not flouting rules (even though I used to post that sort of thing back in the day), I didn’t kickstart the old account.

Or LiveJournal, for that matter. I thought original fiction and nonfiction would be my future, anyway. Why go back to fanfiction? What would be the point?

You end up forgetting how much content is on Fanfiction.Net, and how much is good, or not good, and how much is/was on LiveJournal (no new content, now), while the interface on Archive of Our Own is the most appealing, now. But honestly I haven’t read any in a very, very long time, from any fandom. I idly put in a request for an account on AO3 because I started writing fanfiction again, and then got the email saying I now had one. It kind of leaves you wondering, if you’re not really engrossed in fandom or anything, trying to promote yourself, participating/reviewing things on FF.Net, why restart an old FF.Net account?

So I dunno if putting my old ‘fics on AO3 is weird or something people do. You can back-date things, I noticed, and organize them in such a way I don’t recall you being able to do on FF.Net. You don’t have to upload documents of your own, merely copy-paste content. Then again, maybe having a crush on a website’s interface is as goofy as having a crush on a fictional character.

I wonder if perhaps fanfiction, as a genre of writing, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. My friend recently made a very convincing argument – one of many – that not only is the practice illegal, it is also lazy. Well, yes, of course it’s lazy. But no, he said. It’s incredibly lazy. To the point of disgusting him, considering he is a fan of good fiction. If the writer must rely on someone else’s writing, and then the reader must rely upon knowledge from that original writer in order to understand the references in the new writer’s writing…I dunno, he phrased it much more eloquently. He said fanfiction loses the most important thing about writing fiction – characterization. You are not developing characters or stories. You are also not explaining or exploring the background of these characters or settings. I noted that what I do, personally, is write snapshots in time, so to speak. And that’s what many people who write fanfiction do as well. He said it’s still not a good form of fiction. It just bugs him. And bugs many people, duly. I commented/confessed that yes, most fanfiction is just like playing with Barbie dolls, in a way. You take two pretty characters and you make them “make-out.” It’s a simplification, considering I have done just that and still managed to make it more complex/nuanced, and so have others, but essentially that’s what I am interested in. Mostly shamelessly, until someone points it out to me. Making pretty people make out.

Hey Google, get a load of this one

I always thought it should be mandatory that anyone who wrote fan fiction should thoroughly research canon, but then I wouldn’t have ever written any of the crazy stuff I did.

Fanfiction Eris wrote, none of which will see the light of day, but this is my diary (and I am a masochist) so I can mention it to the entire Internet and Google if I want to. Requests?

It’s a short(ish) list, if you know some wild, overachieving people that used to live on LiveJournal and FF.Net (aka the Pit). (If they are all shorts, which are two pages, on the whole. Some several chapters of many, many pages. Some less than a page.)

Not in any particular order…

Lexx (Xev/Stan otp 4 eva, before you throw up)

The 10th Kingdom (apparently)

Beetlejuice (not even sure wtf that was about)


Doctor Who


Final Fantasy 7

Final Fantasy 8

Repo! The Genetic Opera (porny porn)

World of Warcraft (so OOC it’s painful. yes, even an OC can be OOC when you know nothing about elven history)

Xena: Warrior Princess

Hercules the Legendary Journeys

Young Hercules (just lump those three together)

Lord of the Rings (inspired my classmate to write an encouraging message in my high school year book to “keep writing that hobbit porn.” I used to write lemons in study hall)

Battlestar Galactica (some porn, and for some reason a gen crossover with Doctor Who)

Daria (mainly it’s her and Jane trying to care what’s happening when they’re pulled into an inter dimensional war)

The IT Crowd (Jen/Roy 4 eva, before they throw up)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (I think Ford would revoke my subscription for this, except perhaps the part he gets to make out with Arthur)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (like a folder of Andrew/Warren slash)

Tin Man (you know, that Zooey Deschanel movie)

Yamara (a copy of this is still on their official website, goddamit!)

The New Adventures of Pinocchio (for some reason I can’t fathom, and I’m fond of this one, WUT)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

LOL I don’t even remember these SHORT shorts, but they’re in a folder on this hard drive still:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Harry Potter



Beauty & the Beast

The L Word


The X-Files

Men in Black

Miscellaneous RPS

And for some reason I had a class exercise to do The Scarlet Letter and Huckleberry Finn. Wut?

(…and actual Greek Mythology)

Eris’ life, Discworld life, Ex-boyfriends and novellas

I have researched Tumblr far and wide!

(By which I mean actually looking at pretty and funny fanart, official art, and all kinds of fun stuff until a very late hour even though I’m supposed to get up early for my new exercise regime…)

I have tried to figure out what people found out about Rincewind’s life because I can’t ask Pterry myself and I don’t know if he said.

I didn’t read a bunch of the books so I don’t know what the potato thing is about.

I mean YES I know the potato thing, oh yes, we all know the potato thing.

But is it Word of God (that’s a fandom term for: “Oh hey Joss Whedon said this is canon and you shall not divert”, for example), that Rincewind is/was a virgin? (Because apparently according to Tumblr he’s shacking up with Ponder.)

Not that it matters. You can still, certainly, lose your virginity to Ponder. Feel free. He’s not doin’ anything down there with Hex. You will probably have to convince him, though.

I imagine Ponder could be gay. (I can’t imagine Rincewind gay except in regards to the whole Ponder slash!fic thing, I guess, maybe, possibly. I just read Sourcery again and so that doesn’t make any sense to me.)

And I imagine hooking up with Ponder would be almost as exhaustingly difficult (as in, trying to get that person actually out on a date or actually into bed) as it would be to try to hook up with Rincewind. Whatever age they are, in whatever universe.

I can imagine Ponder actually drawing up, maybe, some kind of pro/con list, and using very logical arguments for why they should shag, and Rincewind would just be like, dude, I just need to not feel like the world’s going to drop out from under me. Again. Like, breaking his heart would just be the needle that breaks the camel’s back at that point. Boring and safe, I think, is a life he embraced and then it all went topsy turvy as soon as Twoflower walked into his life and has/had never been the same since. And couldn’t be. Lady Luck (excuse me! She Who Shall Not Be Named) is his patron goddess. (Patroness?) And Lady Luck is a bitch.

What’s my point? Ponder slash? I could see a gay Ponder, although I remember he was like, “Wut?” about Macarona. (His name is Macarona. Yes, I know I’m supposed to write out all his titles as well, but let’s just say Macarona. He’s got a name like the dance. I’m almost positive that’s intentional. If it isn’t, I’m shocked.)

But one slasher was saying on her Tumblr blog, “Hang on, Rincewind having used to have sex (i.e. in the past) WAS RETCONNED?” And she was like, “That’s outrageous! What’s all this potato stuff!”

(Yes, he’s attracted to potatoes, but we mean before the whole potato nonsense. Before Sourcery! He’s trying very hard not to want to get in Conina’s pants throughout that book.)

I suppose more to the point that I don’t know tone or style or anything Pterry anyway, so it’s no point in telling the ether that I would even write fanfiction anymore for any fandom. I used to write the strangest stuff! I started when I was just a kid, even before I had access to a computer and briefly had just a typewriter. And YES, of course, notebooks. A pen and paper is all you really need in life. Well, yeah, and food. And shelter. And etc etc. And other people’s books and movies would help. And something to do, work, a hobby. And a lover. And a family’s nice, and even a dog. But you know what I mean. When you’re alone, at a loss, you just pick up a pad and pen and you’re all set. Off you go.

That was something a couple of my ex-boyfriends were into. My ex, Navy, as he’s called on here, wrote a novella! It was a fantasy story as well, and I read a couple of chapters but mainly his difficulty – and his joy! – was in trying to make it have a fully realized world of his own making, with its own rules. But we were only sixteen years old, and it’s hard. But eleven years later it’s still hard, so what do I know?

The Engineer (who I had to stop following on Facebook because all he ever talks about is his live-in girlfriend), wrote a book as well, in a similar manner to Navy. A novella. About dragons! What other things I can gather creeping on Facebook was that he was always a writer – I mean, he told me that way back when we were…were we dating? let’s just say sleeping together, and I was like, “Okay, Engineer, I will edit your first three chapters.” But then I never did, and he forgot anyway, and it’s okay. Fast forward to our late twenties and he’s involved with poetry nights and readings and things, and I can only assume that he continued writing. Maybe real life, maybe dragons. Navy didn’t end up writing about wizards and magic anymore, though, but I’m sure he’d look back fondly on it if you asked him.

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Rincewind’s sex life and I’m an awful person

I wrote before that there wasn’t much more mention of Rincewind’s love life than his potato fixation and past orgasms sometimes happening “with company.” (But no orgasm ever approximated that of magic actually coursing through him.)

I rediscovered the subplot in Sourcery where he falls in love with Conina but she’s oblivious and ditches him for Nijel.

During that book, Rincewind pretty much looks back like, “You used to bang chicks. What happened?” And is also head over heels for the girl.

But when she experiences love at first sight with Nijel, the narrator makes this comment that Rincewind felt he’d long ago passed this sort of thing by.

I think he used to bang chicks before Unseen University but never fell in love.

I am writing ‘fic about it.

I am awful, because instead of writing funny adventures through Ankh Morpork of him getting chased off by various things like fathers, brothers and husbands…(Golems? Vampires? I dunno. He spent his whole life running, it’s said.)

I wrote something about his mother and his childhood, and perhaps it will be about women, and that’s the entire theme as well as vignettes.

Trying to think of the theme of “running,” I had this idea that one lady would con him and steal all his money, one’s husband would try and get with *him*, and another lovely girl he finally falls in love with seems to be cursed and horrible things keep befalling him until she moves away.

I’ve already written a chapter where a girl uses teenage him just to lose her virginity, a “seamstress” gives him some unusual lessons, and finally he gets caught with a girl with an oral fixation resulting in her father and brothers chasing him over the rooftops. Unfortunately I’ve only figured out how to write the sex scenes.

And for some reason I went over and over them with a fine-toothed comb, trying to make them realistic and seem like real people. It’s weird, though, because I haven’t had sex in ages, and striking a balance between being disrespectful to, well, the books, and being porny, but not too porny, but just porny enough, is something I’ve been obsessing over this week and really shouldn’t be.

La la la…

More Eris Guilt and Disc Quotes

Unfortunate topic continued from “Rincewind’s sex life or lack thereof” and “Better Than Sex”

I’m just trying to piece together Rincewind’s past, k?

(If I post any of my OWN writing, it’s going on LiveJournal.)

(Oh my God, I’m going to do it, aren’t I? Just out of an old compulsion.)

So anyway, I discovered that many people wrote a lot of weird ‘fic about Sam Vimes.

Let me say something about Sam Vimes:

I was never quite sure about how I felt about Sam Vimes. He is my FAVORITE Discworld character. He is at the top; I love him to pieces.

I’m not sure if I want him to be my lover, or my father. Sometimes when I’m reading one of the Watch books, I swing both ways. He makes me very proud of the police, as a profession, and I then became very ashamed that my own grandfather’s life as a policeman didn’t fill me with the same pride!

Granted, I only started to get to know my grandfather once he’d retired from the force. But then again, he also had this thing very different from Vimes: It was a long time ago, but he said that for a while he turned a blind eye to police brutality. One thing I really appreciate about Sam Vimes is his strong moral/ethical compass. He can’t bear to see a position of power abused. It’s why he and Vetinari have so much friction. (Then again, Vimes recognizes Vetinari as being a fair man himself, in a way, because he is nothing like Snapcase. Vetinari also ensures the peace is kept – it’s why he enforces such strict rules on all the city guilds – partly by allowing Vimes to go so out of his way to seek justice. Or by using reverse psychology to nudge Vimes into seeking it.)

I think the only time Vimes ever committed some kind of act of violence he would normally abhor was when he was in berserker mode down underneath Koom Valley, and he was shouting out “Where’s my Cow?” and striking down those dwarves. But then again, it was a kill or be killed situation. Vimes is of the attitude that the only way to have a just (a just) police force is to follow the rules: you strike back when you have to, and if you can help it, you don’t use deadly force. For example, he won’t abide torture. One scene I can call to mind is when they trick this guy they’ve arrested into thinking someone’s being tortured in the next room. I think they only used bottles of beer? I forget.

I’ve been re-reading the books one by one again, as I do every so often since that fateful day the girl who lived next door to me my sophomore year of college handed me her copy of The Color of Magic. She let me borrow all the Discworld books she had (and Good Omens, too), and then I started buying my own. Rincewind became my favorite at first, and then he was surpassed by Granny Weatherwax, and then they were both evicted by Sam Vimes.

People wrote a lot of porny fanfiction about Sam Vimes. I read one, about his canon relationship with his wife Sybil. I read another one that was, like, PG, but paired him up with Angua, which is okay, because it was an AU, but still kinda weird.

There is a TON of Vetinari/Vimes slash out there, which considering their complicated relationship, you gotta expect. But I haven’t read any of it (yet).

So it’s not totally weird. Inappropriately porny Discworld fanfiction exists – respect, copyright or quality be damned. It just does.

I’m not sure why the plot bunnies even hopped into my garden. What was I even doing, to remember that quote from The Light Fantastic? I don’t really remember now, and it was only a few days ago. (!!)

I started reading Sourcery because I just read all the Witch books again and wanted some Rincewind (not that way!) but wasn’t feeling Color of Magic.

And then I came to another clue about his past, which is dumb, because it stands to reason that every man can look back on his youth and remember, “Oh yeah, I boned chicks. How could that have been so long ago?”

I am almost positive he was never in love, though. As annoyed by Conina and Nijel anyone would be, the narrator makes one very telling comment…

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“My movie is born first in my head, dies on paper”

Why is it always so much easier to write on a computer screen?

That’s beside the point, however. I’m supposed to make a video for my bosses at the rental house – they’ve filled up the summer with tutorials in their various cameras, even making me thread a film magazine, so they also want us to learn something in addition to doing a bunch of menial labor. It’s also in order to have something to put on their Vimeo site. All their interns have videos up there, and my supervisor, when I wouldn’t give him a straight answer about what I was planning on shooting, asked if it was a violent zombie picture or some kind of dewey sweet My Little Pony affair, and I said neither. He asked if it was a love letter to our rival company and I said it wasn’t that either. He’s just gone on vacation, so it’s bad timing, but I’m taking out some equipment anyway.

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